I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
