I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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