It's like God shit irony all over that family
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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