He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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