Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
