I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
