I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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