2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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