Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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