Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
