I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
3 2 1 whiskey
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
