I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
