You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
