I love black thongs
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize