I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
