After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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