you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I could fuck to npr.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
