i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize