sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Come see our sink grown plant.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
