Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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