You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Randomize
