these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
