he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
