she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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