the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
