You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
