3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
