I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
