I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
