I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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