My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
