he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
