No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
