The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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