So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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