its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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