you guys were way drunker than both of me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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