I wanna bring you to show and tell
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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