My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
