I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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