If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
