True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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