ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
