she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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