My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
