i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
