I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize