Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
