R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize