Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
