Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
