so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
