My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What a dumb baby whore.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
