we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize