He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
