2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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