and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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