Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
