I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
