I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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