Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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