tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
