captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
