it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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