i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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