I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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