We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Randomize
