You smell like a Billy Joel song
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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