Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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