i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
