I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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